[A red curtain is on screen. A fanfare plays as Kermit comes on-screen ]
KERMIT: Thank you, thank you! Hi-ho and welcome to The Great Muppet Movie Ride! Now, today, some of the Muppets and I will be guiding you through the history of movies on our new studio tour. Come on in guys!
[The Muppets come in]
KERMIT: And now here's the inventor of your tour trams today, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew! We now go to Muppet Labs.
[The curtains open to the Muppet Labs from Muppet Vision 3D and the Muppet Labs theme plays]
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW: Greetings! Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here, at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today! Now as Mr. Kermit stated, today you will be travelling on the new Muppet Labs automated self-driving tram cars! No longer will your theme park studio tours will rely on drivers who will give you information on the movie and tell corny jokes now, with our in-tram video screens, a live feed from Mr. The Frog and company will give you information on the movie your tram will be going through. Now there are a few safety instructions that my assisstant Beaker will help me demonstrate. [Beaker comes on screen dreesed as a tourist] Say hello, Beaker.
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW: First, place your personal belongings in the compartment under your seats and hold on to any loose articles. [Beaker does so] Next, be sure to fasten your seatbelts and remain seated while the ride is in motion. [Beaker tries to fasten his seatbelt but, fails. The tram starts moving at a very fast speed] Failure to do so will result in possible ejection from the vehicle. [The tram pulls to a complete stop, launching a screaming Beaker from the vehicle] There will be no flash photography or video recording at anytime. [Beaker tries to take a picture but, a pair of robot hands grab his camera and throw it. One wags its finger at him while Beaker lowers his head in shame.] And remember, when the doors open walk into the loading station, keep your arms, legs and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Thank you and enjoy your ride. That is all for today from Muppet Labs.
[The curtains close]
KERMIT: All right, Bunsen and Beaker. Now, places, everybody! [The Muppets scatter] We'll see you on the set.
BEAKER: Make-up ready!
FLOYD PEPPER: Scenery ready!
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW: Sound is rolling!
ROWLF: Camera's rollin'!
MISS PIGGY: All ready, Kermie!
KERMIT: Ok, standby, here we go!
[A drum roll is heard as the trams move toward the doors of the Muppet Theater. "Hey a Movie!" starts playing. The trams move through a soundstage where several Muppets are preparing for their roles in the ride. Kermit sits on a camera crane]
KERMIT: (singing) Wow! There'll be spectacle, there'll be fantasy, there'll be derring do and stuff like you would never see
ALL: Hey a movie!
GONZO AND FOZZIE: Yeah! We're gonna be a movie!
KERMIT: Starring everybody!
FOZZIE: And me! There'll be heroes bold! There'll be comedy! And a lot of fuss that ends for us real happily!
ALL: Hey a movie!
FOZZIE: We can watch it all develop
SINGING FOOD: Starring everybody!
GONZO: And me! We'll take the world and set it on its ear
ALL: Come on, join in! We're gonna start right here!
[A golf cart drives next to the tram, with Audio-Animatronics of Statler and Waldorf seated in it.]
WALDORF: Why start here?
STATLER: Yeah, this is where the ride should end! You riders are going the wrong way!
BOTH: DOHOHOHOHOHO! [they ride off into the darkness]
KERMIT: [appears on the tram's video screen] Uh, don't mind them, folks. Ladies and gentlemen, here's your guide for our first stop, Janice! [flails his arms] YAAAYYYY!!! [A fanfare plays as Janice comes on-screen]
JANICE: Hi! I'd like to introduce my favorite flick of all-time: The Wizard of Oz! Fer sure, I love Oz. I may move there, rully! Tonight the part of Dorothy is played by me! Anyway, we're off to see the wizard! Hasta la bye-bye! [She runs off]
KERMIT: Quiet on the set please!
SCOOTER: The Wizard of Oz scene 10 take one!
KERMIT: Light! Camera! Action!
[The tram moves into the set as a distorded instrumental version of "Over the Rainbow" plays. The entire set is in ruin with some of the set on fire as Miss Piggy dressed as "Tattypoo" swings aound on a bubble screaming for her life. Andy and Randy Pig are seen pulling on a rope. Janice, Rizzo and the rats peek from behind some of the set pieces and duck when Miss Piggy flies over them]
MISS PIGGY: HELP!!!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE YOU NITWITS!!!!
ANDY AND RANDY PIG: We'll save you, Aunt Piggy!
JANICE: Like, duck, everyone!!!
[Miss Piggy hits the tram tilting it on its side for a brief second and leaving a "dent" on the tram's roof. The tram moves onward to a small room. Kermit appears on the tram's video screen]
KERMIT: Cut! Cut! Uh, sorry about that fiasco, folks.
[Audio animatronics of Statler and Waldorf drive next to the tram]
STATLER: Hey Frog, no need to apologize.
WALDORF: Yeah, I'd say it's an improvement!
[They ride off]
KERMIT: Okay. [The screen turns black and white] And now, here's Uncle Deadly.
UNCLE DEADLY: Thank you, Kermit. And now, for a trip into the dark and creepy Castle Frankenstein in... well, Frankenstein. [Laughs evilly as lightning flashes and thunder is heard. The lights go out and the tram moves forward into a dark set as creepy music plays. Thunder is heard. Lightning flashes to reveal the castle. The tram moves into the castle doors. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Crazy Harry's voices echo through the halls]
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW: I've done it! I've finally done it! Ready, Igor?
CRAZY HARRY: Ready, master! Hahahahahaha!!!
[Electricity is heard surging]
BEAKER: [Low-pitched meeping]
DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW: It's alive! It's alive!!!!
[Lightning flashes, and we see Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Crazy Harry looking at a giant 10 foot tall Beaker, lying on a slab and dressed and coloured like Frankenstein's monster, complete with bolts sticking out of his neck. The lightning is revealed to be coming from Fozzie Bear, who is holding the power cord from the studio generator - which is being provided by two rats running in a hamster wheel - and the extension cord that powers the electrical equipment in the lab. When he puts the two together, the lightning flashes again, and we see his eyes light up, his bow tie spin and his fur standing on one end. When he disconnects them, smoke comes out of his wiggling ears.]
FOZZIE: Look, Ma...I'm on top of the world!
[Fozzie faints. Suddenly, The Great Gonzo's voice is heard.]
[The music winds down, and we see Gonzo sitting in a director's chair, wearing a beret and jodhpurs. Beside him is Camilla the Chicken, holding a script in her beak. Rizzo is sitting behind a camera, while Scooter works the boom mic.]
GONZO: For the last time, Fozzie, don't put those two cords together when Bunsen throws the switch! ...Fozzie?
[Kermit appears on the tram's video screen, which is now back in colour.]
KERMIT: Uh...this way, folks.
[Kermit signals for Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker, who are offscreen, to start the tram again. The tram starts up again, and it exits the set.]
KERMIT: I'm sorry, but there appear to be some... technical difficulties at Castle Frankenstein. Apparently, the filming process was...shocking.
[Fozzie comes onto the screen]
FOZZIE: I gave him that joke!
[Statler and Waldorf drive up on the golf cart again.]
STATLER: Well, you should have gave it back!
[They ride off.]
KERMIT: And now, those two citizens of song, Wayne and Wanda!